Wedding Crashers

Last Saturday night we crashed a Nigerian wedding. Although I've never crashed a wedding before, I would imagine that crashing a Nigerian wedding is a far simpler feat than crashing an American wedding. It didn't take any planning, we didn't have to concoct a fake family connection, and we certainly didn't have to memorize the family tree. In fact, just walked in.


To be honest, crashing the wedding was a mistake. We had just gone for a beer at a tiny little bar around the corner from our tiny little apartment - Merry's Place. Miriam, the bar owner, was more than ready to supply us with an endless amount of Star but we were starting to feel just a little awkward - there was a growing herd of children stopping by our table just to stare and, if they worked up enough courage, shake our hands.

Some of our staring fans

 When I was in the Peace Corps in Niger, the volunteers would always talk about how being a lone American in an African village was probably the closest thing to being a celebrity we would ever feel. Not surprisingly, its great at first - everyone knows your name, people are always dropping by just to give you things, and people always say hi to you everywhere you go. Of course, after a while, it gets old - everyone knows your name but you don't know theirs, people start dropping by to ask you to give them things, and small herds of children gather everywhere you go.... which is cute until you just want to be alone. Then its annoying as hell.


In the case of "Merry's Place," all we wanted to do was enjoy a quiet beer and unwind... all the little kids wanted to do was stare... not really an ideal way to enjoy a Saturday night.

Star  - Nigeria's beer.
(One bottle is equal to two American beers)

Our friendly neighborhood "bar"

After the growing amounts of starring kids became a problem, Komla, the Togolese member of our group, suggested we venture down the road to a nightclub that he had seen earlier. Given that children aren't allowed into nightclubs, we all thought this was a very good idea, paid our tab, and left....with Miriam, the bar owner, in tow.

As soon as we walked into the nightclub however we realized that we'd made a mistake and, for the purposes of this particular evening, the "nightclub" was actually a Nigerian wedding. Of course, since we were already inside the "nightclub"/wedding and no one had stopped us we figured it might be fun to see how long we could last until someone kicked us out. As it turns out, the answer to that question is all night. Apparently, random Americans are welcomed guests at Nigerian weddings even if they wander in off the street seriously under-dressed and obviously not knowing a single person in the wedding party.

After a cursory glance around the room, it was clear the bride had chosen hot pink and white as her wedding colors. Almost every single woman present - beyond a mere 3 or 4 bridesmaids - was dressed to the nines in tight, white outfits with the most gaudy pink head-wraps known to man. I'm not 100% certain, but I'm fairly sure that the color was so bright/hideous it actually reflected light. There was a live band playing what I think was the same endless song on repeat and almost everyone was dancing like there was no tomorrow. 


At first, we tried to keep a low profile and chose a table at the far back of the "club"/ wedding where we could observe a Nigerian wedding in full swing. However, after less than 5 minutes, we were clearly drawing stares and within 10 minutes we had been introduced to a very important-looking man who, I think, was the father of the bride. Within 15 minutes, we met the groom and were served left-over wedding cake and free beer. And then... the wedding videographer found us. For no less than 5 minutes, a home-made spot light was stuck in our face and we had extensive video footage taken of us just sitting there at our small table in the far back of the club looking very confused, a little embarrassed and trying desperately to maintain a low profile. I feel sorry for the bride who will no doubt be very confused as to why the video of her wedding contains so many shots of random Americans.


Although crashing a wedding certain seems like a fun and exciting idea, truth be told, after about 30 minutes, I was ready to leave. Nigerian weddings certain are energetic and entertaining but if you're not actively participating or, at the very least, feeling energetic, it can feel like way too much. Also, it doesn't help that the band played the same 3 chord song over and over and over and over....


Hopefully the next time I'm at a Nigerian wedding I'll be an invitee not a crasher. Hopefully next time I'll remember to come armed with red bull and an MP3 player with some decent tunes.